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Discussion
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It’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time. I still struggle to this day. I find my mind and heart wandering to it often.
Some back story on me; I was raised by my grandmother. I had a grandfather too, but he was a drunk and a drain on everyone around him. I don’t count him as having raised me. He died when I was 17 and I don’t miss him. He was… Unpleasant.
My grandparents are definitely white. My grandmother has pale skin, grey eyes, and her hair was blond. My grandfather had pale skin, brown hair, and I don’t recall his eye color. I want to say brown, but they could have been blue or hazel.
My cousins are all pale skinned with blond or light brown hair and grey/blue eyes except for a few who have brown eyes.
I am a little different. I could always tan very well. I get dark. Dark enough for people to ask me where I’m from. I got this from my father.
Now, some backstory on my father; he was adopted by white parents. They were not kind to him. He father died when he was young and he was supposed to receive a check due to this. His mother always kept the money. He was forced to work on an orange orchard and if he misbehaved, he was hit with orange tree branches. If you have never seen an orange tree, their branches are spiny. He was never legally adopted (paperwork and all). His SSN name does not match his birth certificate name. Apparently, you could just wander up and get a SSN during his time. His adoptive mother knew his bio mother, apparently, and told him when she passed on. She told him his bio mother was a Native American woman. This made sense to him because his hair was black, he tanned like I do, and he has brown eyes. I got his genes in the tanning department. My hair is lighter than his and my eyes are about the same.
I have tried to trace my lineage, but his adoptive family finds a way to stop me at every turn. They are hiding something.
I have reached out to Native communities for help but was ignored. I feel like I’m not wanted.
I could do a DNA kit, but what’s the point? If no one wants me, what’s the point?
White people point out how I’m different. Everyone else ignores me.
I’ve been delving into my Appalachian heritage, but recently, even that has come into question because I’m not deep enough in the hills, even though my family practiced many Appalachian traditions.
I’m just kinda feeling lost. I have no culture, apparently. I’m just… Here.