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Discussion
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I need some insight just don't know what to think anymore. Since age 8 and my first thought of offing myself I have been trying to outrun melancholia with no success. All through out my life since, people have always noted my sadness, at every phase in my life no matter what city or circle of friends always I was told, "You seem so sad."
Yes, I have had a few paranormal experiences but the events that trouble me are when I tried to get 2 readings, one by a very good friend at the time and both times I was told they couldn't see anything but black and one other time I accompanied another friend to a 'curandera'(Spanish healer) for my friend's readings, not mine, I was translating and by the second time I had accompanied my friend the Curandera gave me holy water but wouldn't tell me what she saw. And another, a male friend who said he could see auras, didn't want to tell me what he saw when he looked at me. And now I am really down in the muck, feeling a failure because I honestly believed I was going to conquer this darkness, having had a bad home life on top of it all. Has something got a hold of me? Am I cursed? Some quick info that I feel has alot to do with my predicament: I was conceived to entrap my father in a marriage of convenience. And as best that I can conclude from my own research I was born of a narcissistic sociopathic mother. I suffered abuse from both parents, verbal/physical, I was not a son they wanted and it was made evident by the third child whom was doted upon and beloved as best two damaged individuals for parents can show and give. I'm just so effing tired now because I am really low with literally nothing of good coming my way in my destitute state of mind. What can I try or do? What of the blackness that the readers saw? What did my friend see about me that he wouldn't disclose?