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Discussion
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I never liked the “everyone is beautiful movement “ because that’s just impossible. We all should learn to respect ourselves and others, regardless how we all look and are.
updated 2 years, 11 months ago
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EXACTLY. Like, I know I’m not attractive. I’m fully aware of that. I also don’t demand or even expect anyone to be attracted to me.
However, I am a person with complex thoughts and feelings, with skills and knowledge, likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams. I may not be pleasing to the eyes but that doesn’t make me unworthy of a job, unworthy as a customer, unworthy of anyone’s respect solely due to the way I look. It honestly stings so much when people treat me like I’m not as human, no matter the context, as a more attractive person. It’s so much more widespread of a behavior than people realize, and often people aren’t even aware of their own bias. It hurts.
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My reminder is that prettiness isn’t a price I pay to take up space in society. That’s the patriarchy talking.
I am allowed space and resources to thrive and grow no matter my looks. And a hex on anyone who says otherwise.
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This reminds me of one of my favorite Ram dass quotes:
“When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.
The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
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I saw someone say “how I look from behind is none of my business” and now I live by that.
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The day I started viewing my body as an upgradable weapon to be wielded by my brain is the day I took working out seriously, on a tangential note. Like I want to be able to hang from ceilings more than I want to look cute.
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I mentioned the idea of body neutrality to someone on a support sub. She was about to go into an inpatient treatment for ED. She really liked this idea. I hope it helps her.
I like my ‘tiger stripes’ because they show that I created life. I made a person. I’m also fat so the new ones kept the old ones company. I was the Designated Ugly Fat Friend for many years to an insecure ‘hot’ friend. I can respect my body while acknowledging my flaws. I’m glad body neutrality is creating that space.
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I also think this concept body neutrality is better than the “everyone is beautiful” flavor of body positivity. Insisting ”everyone is beautiful“ still buys into the idea that beauty is the most important. My body can do so many things! It can walk, climb, and balance. It can see and hear and taste. It can convert food and air into all the energy it needs to function. It can feel so much pleasure. It can create and nurture new life. Most importantly, it‘s my home. I live in it.
What does it matter if it is beautiful? If looking at it makes anyone else happy? I live in a society that says I owe it to someone to beautiful. I don’t. I save so much time every day not applying makeup. I enjoy food more when I don’t think about how many calories. I love my body, and I don’t think about how it looks.
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I see it like this: I – as an organism – am actually many. Like my whole body is made out of smaller living things that all work together to stay alive. I’m basically 1000 ants man so why should I give a flip about stretch marks.
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I think neutrality in general is underrated. Even feeling neutral—if you think about it, that’s pretty good, contentment is underrated. Everything always has to be so hyped up, it’s so entrenched/entwined with capitalism/patriarchy
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Prettiness is the most over valued currency known to humans.
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Also when people only see you for your outward beauty, they tend to stop there. It’s unfortunate because I am smart and funny and very knowledgeable about many things, but a lot of people don’t get to know me because they think I must have no substance.
When your appearance is constantly commented on by everyone around you it causes you to become hyper self conscious. To scrutinize and obsess over tiny imperfections.. My partner has experienced similar things and I’m really glad we’ve been able to come together and bring out the best in each other.
I’ve been able to let go of a lot of my self consciousness and just *be*. It’s so nice to stop worrying about how I might look or not look to others. The funny thing is, I think I look like a gremlin. But I guess other people don’t see it that way.
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I read a book recently which had a bit on how we went from “everyone has to be beautiful” which is obviously toxic, to “everyone has to FEEL beautiful” which is just as toxic, but now it’s also your fault if you don’t love yourself.
I wish my appearance didn’t matter. I have a fleshy husk. It keeps my bones inside. Don’t perceive it.
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Ty. I needed this today.
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This really resonates with me.
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This view as always been very welcoming to me as a non-binary person. My body is just what it is. There is a lot more interesting stuff going on here.
