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Forums Forums Magic, Witchcraft and Healing Tell me tips/positive experiences w/ ancestor work? (vent)

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    Okay I've been crying so much so I dont even know if this post is even going to make any sense but let's try.

    I am someone with very repressed emotions. IDK why, no major trauma in childhood except like bullying and dealing with parents who are like me.
    I have lost my grandma 10 years ago and my family has always felt lots of ressentment of me not being even able to cry in front of them in her funeral (not gonna lie, I barely cry at all. I barely process my emotions until I force myself to do it).

    Anyways, I have recently decided to try ancestor work since I have been getting interested in genealogy. There is a side of my family that the rest of my relatives barely acknowledge their existence because of racism. I have always been fascinated by it and decided to do ancestor work to, well, have some contact with this part of my family.

    As a friend recommended, I started working with a relative that loved me enough to protect me if needed. So I decided to start by my grandma. Here, we have the tradition of lighting a candle for a dead relative in a catholic church, so I did it to her.

    I lit the first candle. The VERY next day my mom finds out about some money she kept for me and her other grandchildren, years ago.

    Then it hit me. How ungrateful I was my whole time with her. She was not a complex relative at all, she was all love, her whole life. She sacrificed her wellbeing for others since her early childhood. She loved me so much, and I was a brat. Sure, I was a child, a child with mental troubles, but I was never able to love her. To give something back to her.
    I am desperately clinging to her now, but I can't remember a single thing that she liked. I remember so many stories she told me, but always about other people, and many about me. About her? Not at all. I can count on my fingers the amount of things I am sure she actually liked and not did just to make me happy. I cant even think of anything to put in my altar for her.

    I hate myself so much. Loving her was so easy, and I couldnt even do that. I let her slip through my fingers just like my family did with that part of the family that they never cared to acknowledge.

    Anyways, I'm sorry for the vent post.
    Do you have any positive stories with ancestor work? Maybe some suggestions? Something that could cheer me up to try to keep doing it (-:

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