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Discussion
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TL;DR: I recount a profound and emotionally intense experience I had after using salvia, which involved perceived encounters with a maternal entity, possibly my deceased grandmother, and other spiritual elements. I experienced moments of deep introspection, communication with these entities, and a startling revelation about my mortality. This experience has left me with unresolved questions about the spiritual journey, life, death, and the nature of these encounters.
Last night, I had an experience that was pretty crazy, almost incomprehensible and difficult to put into words. I'm still processing it, but I'll do my best to describe it. Over the past few days, I had been experimenting with salvia. At one point, I felt a maternal, loving energy that I thought might be my deceased grandmother.
I decided to go deeper with the salvia experience and smoked more bowls. I began lightly, priming the reverse tolerance. By the third bowl, I started to see a weird shape or blur moving around the room. It came right up to me, and I dissociated or can't quite remember what happened next. I was taken aback, wondering if there was something living in the salvia. To calm down, I smoked some weed, cleaned the room, brushed my teeth, and lit some palo santo. I find that a good psychedelic helps me get clean and organized.
Feeling more settled, I returned to the salvia, curious about the entity. The experience was fuzzy, but I sensed a presence or something talking to me inside my mind. I should mention that I have had chronic back pain for years. It felt like this force was helping to move stuck pain and energy. However, I got scared as I could really feel the energy moving and worried it might hurt to clear a blockage that deep.
I was saying the Medicine Buddha mantra to try to help my pain and assist this entity in healing me. After this experience, I decided I needed more space to stretch my body for healing. I cleaned my floor more, spread out some blankets, and created a nice area to stretch as much as needed. It felt like I was talking to something, or something was talking to me.
Despite already having a lot of experience at this point and wanting to stop, I knew I couldn't. I loaded more salvia, and this time, I sat up in meditation, opting not to lie down or wear an eye mask. I felt like I was actively entering my mind or going somewhere else. This is when it gets really weird. I swear my grandma was there, or something like her! The visuals were minimal, mostly a dark space with blueish figures resembling humanoids, almost like ghosts.
I remember seeing my grandma and thinking she couldn't get to her next life. I started doing the Manjushri mantra to summon a deity to guide her, but it didn't work, and I felt a little ashamed at not having done more spiritual practice. She communicated that she didn't want to leave because she needed to make sure our family was okay. I tried to console her, saying it's okay, that I understood her concerns for me and my father. It was extremely emotional. I even started crying.
After a while, I dissociated and can't remember what happened. But when I came back, I felt like I was supposed to tell someone something, though I had no idea who or what. I was really fried but felt the need to go back to get this message. I was aware of spirits having access to my consciousness, and we were making fun of my thoughts in a hilarious and compassionate way.
I went back once more, and this is what was really insane. I tried to talk to my grandma and get the message but couldn't understand or maybe just can't remember now. Then, I saw an aerial shot sweeping past a giant row of these blue humanoid forms in a void. It felt like I was seeing a line of deceased people. I tried to identify them but couldn't. Suddenly, it felt like I was breaking through a dimension, and I was at the end of the line. My brain interpreted this as a sign that I was going to die soon. I asked if this was true, and the spirit replied affirmatively, saying it would happen tomorrow due to a heart issue. This scared me, and I started pleading and doing mantras, promising to eat healthily, anything to not die. I was terrified and sad.
Eventually, as I started coming down from the experience, I realized it might have been a spirit playing a trick on me, showing how attached I am to my body. This made me reflect on my spiritual journey and how I still have a long way to go.
The experience left me with no clue what to make of any of it. I had been asking for progress along the spiritual path and to know if there is more to life, and I may have received an answer. I don't know if the message from the entity was about my imminent death or if I misinterpreted it. Maybe it's about someone in my family, given our history of heart troubles. There were so many details, like during the Medicine Buddha healing, I felt energy moving toward my heart and spine, leading me to think I was having a kundalini awakening. I asked about kundalini, and the entity laughed, suggesting it's a concept they're aware of but call something else.
Overall, it was an amazing yet frightening experience. I'm still a bit scared that the spirit's prediction might come true, but for now, I'm trying to process everything. I have a lot of beer in the fridge, which somehow feels comforting. Thank you for reading this far, and I'd love to discuss your thoughts on this experience.
