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Discussion
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I recently got into a discussion with someone about the ethics around reading (or not) for someone else that isn’t the querent, and is not about the querent.
Imagine your querent is someone else’s parent, and they want to know if their child’s girlfriend has a relationship with someone else.
Or, if someone wants to know about someone else’s feelings about someone they know.
Any situation where the question is not about the querent and it doesn’t involve them either.Do you do these types of readings? I’ve always considered it unethical, as it is spying on someone else. If you don’t do, have you ever been approached by a querent who asked a question like this? And if you do, why?
I’m genuinely curious, because most people I’ve met consider this inappropriate, but recently I’ve seen readers be ok with this.
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Do you read for 3rd parties/someone that isn’t the querent?
updated 3 years, 3 months ago 1 Member · 13 Replies
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I do it to myself, like I want to know something about someone that’s not talking to me anymore, I want to see how they’re doing or something like that. But I do consider it unethical. But when a querent ask me to read something about someone that is not directly related to them, I tell them I can’t do it.
Mostly because I know myself, I know I’m not gonna do anything with the information I receive about other people, but the querent might not deal well with the information about someone else.
Also I don’t do it often. But I’ve seen some people getting addicted to tarot readings and I don’t want any querent addicted at asking about someone else’s life.
I only tell them stuff related to someone else when it’s related to the querent as well, like if they ask me “how does my ex feel about me?” it’s fine, but if they ask me “how does my ex feel about his currently girlfriend”, I tell them it’s too invasive and I don’t answer this type of question.
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I much rather not do 3rd party readings unless it’s to help someone sort how they feel about them. Because well…
Sometimes the best way to find things out is to just actually talk to people. Or learn to deal with life not always giving people closure.
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I often find tarot to reveal underlying feelings for third parties that are due to surface. I look at them less as a reading for the third party and more as a reading on how the querent feels about that person and a potential pathway to confronting that feeling.
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I not only think it’s unethical, but it’s ineffective. If the person that you are ‘reading’ isn’t present, you are not going to be able to get either context or corroboration on anything you come up with. Some of the examples given sound really altruistic. Being able to get information on someone who is ‘toxic’ or getting information on someone who is doing harm sounds like great motives, but, the problem is that we do not often have the entire story.
Tarot is a wonderful clarifier. But, it is going to reflect the bias of the person in the room, both the reader and the querent. When the reader, is a friend of the querent and they both agree that the person they are reading about is ‘toxic’ that seems like a whole bunch of bias going in to a reading. I would be really sceptical of the objectivity of any information or interpretation coming out of that combination.
When I have someone who is in a situation that is heavily influenced or involved with someone who is not present, my role is to find the right question. Instead of ‘what is he/she thinking’ or ‘what are their intentions?’ I tend to ask things like… “How will I know if this person’s intentions are not honorable?” or “How can I balance protecting myself and being too closed off?” “What do I need to know to have a good outcome?” “How can I protect my child while still teaching them to be independent?”
Our role is not to give people the illusion of a sneak peak behind the curtains of other people’s lives and intentions. We are not spyware, we are not a cheat code for social interaction. But most importantly, we are not a confirmation of someone’s bias or suspicion. We are clarity.
In my day job, we often use the expression “The well meaning strike again!” when someone who has the best possible intentions meddles in something that is none of their business and makes things infinitely more complicated than it needs to be. I think that there’s a lot of ego involved when you see yourself as the harbinger of truth and infinite knowledge instead of just an interpreter.
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I think the ethics are a more complex topic, but more importantly this seems like a very hard reading, since the neither of you can interpret the cards really well.
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I don’t consider it unethical, and I have done it before. For example, last month I asked a couple questions about my friend’s brother’s gf because she is pretty toxic and abusive and my friend wanted to find ways to help her brother realize it (he has low self-esteem and thinks he deserves a relationship like that). She basically asked about how did the girlfriend feel towards her brother, just to make sure that she didn’t actually love him (duh), and what were the best ways to address the situation with him, so I think that a problem like that is worth the “spying” if you want to call it like that.
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Nah, it’s almost like snooping into someones diary. I’m not comfortable doing that. Instead, one could use the tarot to give advice on how to approach that third party.
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Yeah, I do. I call them “nosy readings”. Typically I get them with parents wanting to know how their adult children are doing in life, or how their college age child is doing while abroad, etc. My latest reading was actually for a mom who wanted to know if the newest girl her son was dating was “the one”–so, to be fair the readings are never really malicious or out of harm, it’s just people wanting to know if the people they care about are doing okay in life without wanting to interfere too much.
I occasionally get people wanting to spy on their exes, and I’ll look into it, but I try not to stay on that topic for too long. Sometimes the ex is doing well, and sometimes the ex is doing not so well–and if the querent wants, I’ll go deeper into why, but if it feels like the querent is getting some sort of satisfaction that their ex is going through misfortune, I’ll detour the reading.
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I tend to have a neutral stance on the ethics of these kinds of readings. To me a question is a question and as long as you’re understanding that nothing is ever set in stone its fair game. If you’re using it for cheap heat and dirt then no, its not for you.
For me, since I document my readings I was able to revisit aspects that were unknown to me as possible interpretations. Its allowed me to expand my knowledge on how to read a meaning even if it was darker. And my intrusive reading has allowed me personal closure on very bad times in my life. I used to just allow myself to accept no closure and it resulted in many repressed and unresolved issues, so now I empower myself to know and be at peace with those things that no longer suit me.
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In my opinion, it’s not only unethical, but leaves too much room for error. Even if the question is about the querent, ie “Do they have feelings for me?” or “Are they cheating on me?” I wouldn’t do a reading on that because in my view, tarot doesn’t predict the future or know what’s going on in the objective world. If I do yes/no pulls for “is the sky blue?” I’m going to get 50/50 over large numbers of pulls, even though it’s objectively wrong 50% of the time.
Let’s set up a scenario: a person ask if their child’s boyfriend is cheating. I’ll lay out the possible scenarios below.
– Cards say yes, and boy is cheating. Great. Now the parent tells their child “I consulted a deck of cards about your relationship without your consent.” The kid could get mad at the parent and then the choice is theirs to ask the boyfriend or not. If they do, they may find he’s cheating, or he may lie, in which case there’s no change. And no consent given for asking in the first place. Not good.
– Cards say yes, and boy is NOT cheating. Great. Now the parent tells the child “I consulted a deck of cards about your relationship without your consent.” The kid could get mad at the parent and then not ask the boyfriend at all. If they do, they find he’s not cheating and the seeds of distrust are sown between parent and child, and between lovers… Not good, and the cards were wrong .
– Cards say no, and boy is not cheating. Great. The parent can keep this to themselves. If they choose to tell the child, then… well, see the other descriptions. Not good either way.
– Cards say no, and boy is cheating. Great. The parent can keep this to themselves. If they choose to tell the child, then… well, see the other descriptions. If the child chooses to confront the boy, the boy may confess or just keep it under wraps. It doesn’t guarantee a happy resolution. Not good, and the cards were wrong.
If somebody wants to know if a person has feelings, is cheating, wants to leave, wants to stay… they should just sit down with the person and have a real discussion, or ask somebody close to the person in question. A deck of cards is a deck of cards, and somebody close to the source is going to be far more reliable. In my view, there’s no instance where a deck of cards is more right than an objective source.
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Though I agree with the points on invasiveness, sometimes to move forward in life or to make a decision, you need information or to understand another person. For instance, if you want to get back with your ex, but you don’t want to be involved in a love triangle or mess up a currently loving relationship for the couple, “How does my ex feel about his girlfriend?” becomes a relavent question. Of course it’s better to just ask, but people lie or sometimes don’t know how they feel or what’s truly going on, big-picture-wise. That’s why divination was developed. Because sometimes we can’t find the answers with obvious means and need a little advice. I also think questions like “what’s going on with my child?” Is toeing the line into invasive, but the answer could make for a better parent.
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I don’t read third party
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I’m new , but here’s my thought. I don’t think I’ll get any reading that I’m not supposed to get. I don’t think the cards are magical, I see them as a tool for the Spirit to speak to me if He chooses to. So any question is fine, I just may not get a clear read if I’m seeking something I’m not supposed to.
