How to talk to a fitness instructor about fat shaming?

[Trent]

Hi all, this isn’t specifically about witchcraft, but it is about using my voice to put a tiny little dent in the patriarchy. I appreciate any advice you can offer!

I’m a cis woman in my 40s, definitely fat – if you look up Morit Summers, you’ll get an idea of my body type. I’ve been doing personal training for about a year now, with a really great instructor – he knows that I’m not interested in weight loss, and he genuinely wants me to excel in the body I have. He’s always telling me how strong I am, and how great I look. Obviously that’s part of what I’m paying him for, but also I do believe he means it!

On the other hand, today he posted on his business Instagram a picture of two of our politicians. One is a genuinely fat man, and the other is an average-sized woman who got caught at a bad angle. His caption was something to the effect of “obviously these two don’t care about fitness.”

I don’t doubt his sincerity or his commitment to me – I think he just didn’t make the connection between me and “those other” fat people, you know? So I’m trying to figure out the best way to give him some feedback about that post.

I tend to be on the wordy side, so my instinct is to write him an entire manifesto on Why Fat Shaming is Wrong Even When the Fat People Are Genuine Assholes. So I’m looking for wording that skips straight to the TL-DR version as well. 😉

Discussion

[UnfathomableWonders]

I’d say something simple and personal like “I’ve often worried that people judge my commitment to fitness based on how I look.” It will probably (hopefully) embarrass him.

Putting yourself in a position to “explain” anything to him will put him on the defensive.

[AccuratePenalty6728]

Next time you see him, I’d suggest just saying “hey, I saw this post on your Instagram and it’s been bothering me to think that’s how you feel about larger people”. Remind him that he doesn’t know a thing about these two people. Tell him it’s hurtful to feel he would likely think the same about you if you weren’t his client, and ask if he thinks that would be fair. Tell him you thought he understood and supported your goals for your own health, but posts like that suggest otherwise. It’s possible he was being an airhead when he mindlessly shared this and will feel bad; it’s possible he’s actually an ass. I think you definitely owe it to yourself to find out, but I don’t think he’s likely to listen if he hears “you’re fat shaming” (even though he totally is and it’s gross). Hopefully he was just being an idiot and he’ll wake up.

[sheashea03]

I think the key word is “fitness”. What exactly does it mean to him and what does it mean to you. If you know the answer to both, I think you’ll have an easier time explaining to him how his words (and all words) have power and how to broaden his perspective for the good.

[HauntingYogurt4]

Thank you all for your help! Here’s what I sent:

Hi [trainer],

I wanted to give you some feedback on that pic of [the politicians] you posted yesterday. The thing is, lots of people have said the exact same thing about me – that I’m fat, so I must be really unhealthy and out of shape.

Of course you and I both know that’s not true. But you only know it because you know me personally, and you see how hard I work. Would you think the same thing if you saw me as a stranger on the street? Where you saw me the other day in a tank top with my awesome biceps, I’m sure other people would have seen me in the same shirt and only noticed my stomach.

I’m pretty comfortable in my body, as you know. And I don’t doubt your commitment to me at all – I know we’re on the same page with my fitness goals, and I love working with you. But again, that’s because I know you, and I know how hard you’re willing to work on my behalf. Picture someone who doesn’t know you, someone who looks like me and is scrolling through Instagram looking for a trainer. She would end up with an entirely different impression of who you are and what you believe, based on that picture.

Just some food for thought, in any case. I’m happy to talk about this more if you want – or not, if you don’t! I’ll be there on Saturday either way. 😊

[sewingshadows]

I would let him know how it made you feel, and how it could put other people off getting into fitness. People need support and encouragement, not shame. All he’s doing is making more people feel excluded from the fitness community.

[aspiringbogwitch]

Excuse me, but if you’re comparing your body type to Morit Summers, you are NOT fat.

You can tell him fat shaming and fat phobia is racist. I suggest reading [Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia by Sabrina Strings.](https://nyupress.org/9781479886753/fearing-the-black-body/)

[MikeKnoles]

Say something to him about the post in no uncertain details. Sometimes people just need a gentle reminder.