I found out today that a true friend of mine died

[Catricorn11]

We had sort of a bad falling out. I made some bad decisions, and he told me he couldn’t talk to me anymore to spare himself the stress as he was 25 years older than me. I understood and respected that, and it made me change completely, but I still left him alone. He was married now and was doing all sorts of things to change his life for the better.

He let me live at his home when I reached out, asking for a couch during the winter because I was afraid I was going to freeze to death. I was homeless at the time, and nobody knew. He was the only one who tried to help. If it wasn’t for him, I would have never met my amazing husband who also lived in his home.

I bought some Judas Tree (love tree) seeds and Blue Water Lily seeds for my husband for Valentines Day. But when it said they were delivered, they weren’t in my mailbox. I looked on Ebay and they were sent to his house.

Oh no I thought.. I’m probably going to have to reorder them and they’re expensive and won’t be here in time.

I texted him

2:27 Hey I accidently mailed something from Ebay to your house. Would you be able to mail it to me ASAP please please it probably can fit in an envelope

2:47
Or tape it to the bottom of the mailbox and let me know and I can take a bus to get it

2:48 I wasn’t sure if you wanted me around your house

I hope you are well

I could see my messages were getting read, but no response

2:56
Please respond I know I fucked up. I’ll delete your number at least tell me no or something Ray please I’m sorry

I finally got a response

“Can u call me?

I called. His wife answered the phone. She wasn’t my friend really like he was, so she was madder at me than he was for my bs.

“OH hey…”

“Hey, are you sitting down?”

“Oh.. um ok?” I sit down thinking she’s going to get angry and tell me to never call again.

“Ray died”

I was just silent trying to hold back. They were both military, the violent wars, so I didn’t want to breakdown over the phone at her.

He had a heart attack on my birthday last year on his way to get the mail.

She told me she was going to deactivate his phone that day but hadn’t. So my message would never have gotten to him. She says she always was working but happened to be home and by his phone.

He was supposed to get a triple bypass a few days before, but they pushed it because of covid. He told people on Facebook he was getting one, and people didn’t really care. Ray was always the strong one. He helped so many people. He housed dozens of travelers and got people back on their feet and sober. He built onto his house rooms for people and had tents for in the summer.

He always answered the phone.

But he was so stressed out. The wars fucked him up. Trying to help people who only screwed him in the end. He smoked too much and drank crappy booze. He ate so much sausage and bacon and didn’t sleep. He had some backward views on some things, but he was so smart. He had traveled the world and had treasures from many cultures. He knew so much magic and occult stuff and had a lot of ancient things in his house I was convinced were cursed and super rare occult books in his mass book collection.

I didn’t know until today because I don’t use Facebook anymore. His wife tried to invite me to his memorial page.

I lost one of the only people who actually gave a fuck about me, and I never got to make things right again.

Discussion

[RainHaven]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your friend probably knew what he meant to you. He wouldn’t have done so much for you if you weren’t important to him or if he didn’t believe in you. Bringing you and others into his home is something my mother would do (and still does) I learned how to treat people from watching her and my mom always says that she may not have tons put away for retirement or as much time to herself as she’d like, but she knows that when she dies, people will be able to truly say of her that she “loved well”. It is her highest aspiration in life, and she’s done it magnificently. She knows that not everyone who she helps will be eternally grateful or anything, but she doesn’t do it for recognition, she does it to make as big a difference as she can. I think the greatest thing you can do to honor your friend is to continue his work and help where you can, when you can. Remember that the love and kindness he gave you didn’t die when he did. A part of him, his generosity, his selflessness, lives on with every person he gave it to.

[Jewlzchu]

I would write down everything you want to say to him on pieces of paper.

Light a fire.

And burn the pieces one by one.

Having a picture of him nearby, or visualizing speaking to him while you burn the papers may help.

[Significant-Spite-72]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll light a candle for you and for Ray

[i_love_anja]

I am sorry for your loss,

I know it isn’t much comfort, but when I lost people in my life in the last couple of years, I kept going back to this song [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RZpphITFM4&ab_channel=YoLosPago](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RZpphITFM4&ab_channel=YoLosPago) by Laurie Anderson

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it helps with memories at least for me