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Discussion
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Hello. I'm not sure where to start. I couldn't sleep; I'm sitting here journaling after I felt I should search 'psychic' here on Reddit and found this subreddit. In the last couple of months I've finally discovered so much of what was wrong with my self and so much of what is actually RIGHT with myself and I just want to share and maybe connect with some others who can relate or possibly even guide me. I hope my post reads with some flow, I'm just going to write and hope it tells my story decently.
I'm starting to realize more and more from my childhood and young adult life that relates to psychic ability, but for this post I'll start with this: I believe my 'awakening' really began with something awful I did several years ago. I am bipolar & ADHD, have C-PTSD and all kinds of traumas both small and large, violent and non-violent, that mostly went unaddressed or I just wasn't ready to process things in the right way or ready to really listen and focus inward. Many would probably write off my experiences as those of a supremely guilty conscience burdened with mental illness, but I know it's more than that.
I won't mention specifics of what I did here that kicked all this off for me, but it was violent and terrible. It was shortly after that, that my music began 'speaking to me' on my commutes to work. Guilting me. Telling me the horrible things I had done. Every word, phrase, lyric became a message. The same became of all TV shows I tried to watch. even messages about things I hadn't done. I became supremely paranoid. I had always been a man of science; agnostic and didn't give much credence to the psychic/paranormal side of life. Just ignored it. I began to believe I was being gangstalked. The synchronicities in my life became so overwhelming that I was CONVINCED everyone knew everything about me, that I was always being watched, followed, etc. Everything I listened to had a message. Certain symbols, like the Octagon, became… piercing to my psyche. I started trying to keep notebooks of my experiences to try and document things to try and PROVE I was being stalked. I was convinced for at least a year that someone MUST have been drugging me with hallucinogens. I tried to smoke and drink it away. I became lost in that and became a raging addict, abusing my meds, alcohol, etc.
My experiences aside, I had become a huge problem of a person. 5-6 months ago, after finally ingesting shrooms myself(I had not actually been drugged before as I had previously thought, as far as I know) I started to open up to the spiritual. Much of what they did to me seemed to mimic or be the same kinds of things I was experiencing, before I had ever taken them. I started sitting in my garage, writing in my notebooks and pulling seemingly random words and information out of nowhere. I now know a lot of that 'nonsense' was warning/telling me much about the coming months, where I would be and who I would meet (if I didn't wake up and clean up my act) — in May, I got black out drunk and high on several substances, and committed another violent act. It landed me in rehab, gratefully, where I finally was in the right place to get my head right and fix issues deep within myself and begin work on the rest. But the synchronicities and what had become obvious Was a clear ability to read certain things/hear certain things, didn't go away. I became deeply interested in psychic topics and exploration, and believe I was led on this journey through similar means.
I just… I don't really know to properly tell my story or even explain half this stuff. So much has happened. I'm reading all kinds of books now I never would have touched before and continuing to be surprised but not surprised when I learn more about symbols and words and 'messages' I've heard or seen over and over. Working on my traumas and my issues in therapy and rehab, the paranoia has largely shifted to positive vibes and messages and I'm learning more and more about what I'm experiencing. Clairaudience seems to be my main jam. and numbers, though I'm unsure what to do with most of them. 47 and 28 are HUGE in my life. Like, almost everpresent.
I feel as though I should stop there for now. I'm just excited to be here and hungry to learn and connect and grateful for everything I've been through to get here. I still have amends to make, but I know I'm on the right path and I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
