-
Discussion
-
TL;DR: He was an abusive ex who died much later after we split up. I feel like he legitimately visits me in my dreams and although each one is slightly different, I’m always explaining to him that he’s dead. How can I get these to stop?
My ex died in 2017 of a drug overdose. By the time he died, I was far removed from him and hadn’t been with him in over 4 years. He actually got me into drugs so I heavily resented him and to be frank, wasn’t super negatively affected by his death.
He was a selfish person (and I believe may have had antisocial personality disorder) who cheated on me over three times, once with our high school teacher.
He introduced me to heroin. I’m in recovery now and processed/got
over our abusive relationship years ago.I have had a recurring dream about him practically every week for the past five years since he died. In every dream, he doesn’t know he’s dead. Each dream is somewhat different, but that’s a common theme: me informing him and him having an “aha! I *am* dead….I keep forgetting” moment.
I have lost MANY people. People I love dearly. Why am I not dreaming about them? Why am I dreaming every week about someone I’m over/despised? I’m not sure if I believe in ghosts/spirits but am starting to believe it’s really him visiting me.
I don’t know how else to word it: it feels like he is literally there with me, in some separate dimension, in my dreams. I want these dreams to stop. Any advice?
-
I’ve had a recurring dream for the past 5 years about an ex who died. I wasn’t negatively affected by his death. He always doesn’t know he is dead. HELP.
updated 2 years, 2 months ago
2 Members
·
1
Reply
-
I would look into lucid dreaming. Then when you have the dream you can realize it and tell him he’s not welcome in your dreams anymore and wake yourself up.
-
I’m very very sorry you’re going through this, it sounds super rough.. I’d like to offer a psychological explanation instead if thats okay? And big time congratulations on getting sober!
Could it be possible that the “Im not really affected by it” kind of attitude you’re putting out is more of a façade as a conscious or subconscious way to prevent yourself from feeling grief over somebody you feel (rightly) doesn’t deserve your sympathy or grief? In my opinion, especially with how dreams go it’s your subconscious bringing a vision to you that consciously, you’re blocking out.
Could it be possible you’ve merely CONVINCED yourself that you don’t care, meanwhile simply bottling any care about it up and repressing it? All I’ve to go on is this post but to me that’s what it sounds like.
Your subconscious is tired of masking it and bottling it up, it wants you to acknowledge and work through the care you’ve repressed all these years.
Abusive or not, this is still someone you knew intimately and shared life experiences with, whether good or bad.
-
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, I know how real dreams can feel and how creepy that must be!
Perhaps a cord cutting is in order? Have you ever tried that?
-
I am going to offer a completely occult theory here, and leave your sub-conscious out of it.
Your ex-boyfriend’s spirit is stuck. Possibly because he wasn’t expecting to die, possibly because it’s not stoked about where it’s supposed to go next. You clearly have your shit together now, and probably did before dating him. He corrupted you. He may need to fix that before his spirit can move on, or he may be fixating on you because you were cool when you started dating and he needs a friend. There’s lots of reasons he may not be over you, you know how relationships are. He may just be harassing you because he was an asshole then and he’s an asshole now. IDK.
I think you need to let him know he’s dead, and you need to do it intentionally.
I would gather as many things of his — pictures (print them out), objects, whatever you can get to evoke his spirit. Like a little Day of the Dead altar. Maybe light a candle, that helps some people. Will his spirit into your presence. See if he has anything to day. Then tell him he’s dead, he needs to move on, and that you can’t help him, or that you forgive him, or whatever you feel you need to say to get him to hit the road. Snuff the candle, and take the items outside and throw them in some trash outside your building (if possibly I’d burn them, but I know that’s not possible for everyone). Come home, sprinkle salt on your threshold (and window sills if you are paranoid). If you’re down, light some incense and go through every room of your house, ending at the front door to chase the spirit out before you put down the salt.
-
I really appreciate the feedback. It’s as if he’s taking up my subconscious whether I want to admit it or not and my subconscious is screaming “process this more! You were traumatized!“ that is IF this has nothing to do with him actually coming to me in my dreams. I prefer more scientific explanations but am also open to the occult/unknown…
-
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with dreaming of the creep. I still have recurring dreams about my incredibly abusive ex and he’s still very alive as far as I know, so I think it’s more to do with the trauma of how he treated you and what he did to you rather than an actual spirit. I agree that a cord cutting my provide some relief either way! 🙂
-
I am not someone who does dream interpretation. If I were to try though I would say that there is some part of you that acts as if he is still around. Maybe it’s through the drugs. Maybe it’s your expectation of other relationships. I don’t know. But what it sounds like is that he affected you in some way that shouldn’t anymore but still does, and you keep having to remind yourself that things are different.
There is something being said here, especially if it is happening repeatedly. There is definitely a message here that needs to be heard and acted upon. Once whatever it is is no longer true or been resolved, then I think your dreams should go away as well.
-
Dude this is really weird I’m dealing with a very similar situation.
Maybe our exs are in the same place and its time for them to move on
Mine was incredibly abusive diagnosed malignant narcsisistic and I think was a psychopath aswell. Same thing with drugs and he either commited suicide or overdosed I’m not sure.
I wonder if they all get shipped off together?? And we’re having that feeling? And that’s all it is just a feeling that there about to go to a better place.
I have been feeling like I need to help him move on (I just wrote a post about it coincidentaly lol) but I’m not sure. I just find it so weird that someone is having a really similar experience
-
Maybe you are having these dreams because of a subconscious guilt about not really being affected by his death? I’m not saying you should feel guilty at all…but our dreams sometimes bring those underlying issues to the front. I had a similar dream about a dead ex friend/coworker this week. She died from an overdose of pain pills and alcohol. She had been having issues for a few years, and after treating me badly had called and asked me for a good job referral after being fired for refusing to go to treatment. I was honest with my employer at the time, and told them she had issues. She got a job somewhere else but died a few months later.
I often have dreams where I am working (she was my boss for a time) and she shows up, not dead.
This last one I had was so real I had to Google her obituary to prove to myself she really was gone. She died 11 years ago. -
This is what cord cutting ceremonies are for.
-
OP, I’m all about the subconscious (I practice what I call “subconscious mind magick”) but my intuition when I read your post is that this is a real spirit who is stuck. You said your ex died of an overdose, it’s possible that he wasn’t ready/prepared for the next phase and is a bit confused as to what he is supposed to do now.
When you have these dreams, are they lucid? If not, do you think you will be able to induce a lucid dream? You said that you tell him that he is dead in these dreams, but he might need a little guidance on where to go next.
He should have a guardian spirit there with him, waiting for him to realise that he is dead so they can guide them to the next phase. It will likely be someone that your ex feels familiar and comfortable with, like a relative.
If you can induce a lucid dream where he shows up, remind him that he is dead and then tell him to look around and see if he can see anyone else there with you, someone that he knows. It might take a little while, but eventually he will see them. They can take him to the next phase and you can dust your hands of the situation knowing that you just helped a ghost! Which is pretty cool.
Disclaimer: This is just one persons perspective on the situation, of course I could be very wrong and there are some other great answers here too. Use your instinct and pick the solution that resonates with you, that will be the right one.
-
Hm. If this issue is severely interfering with your daily life, maybe seek professional help for the dreams specifically (to help figure out the root cause), in addition to the great suggestions posted here to help supplement that support.
In the meantime, perhaps take a “cleansing” bath before bed. Now i dont know if you have any plant allergies but for me, I like adding a few drops of clary sage and juniper essential oil (be sure its not just fragranced chemicals) to some unscented epsom salts (a couple tablespoons worth) and then dumping that into the tub. Right before you get in tell yourself something like, this bath will help neutralize any energetic funk that i have attracted. While youre in there, think of things that make you happy, no matter how simple they are. At the very least, who doesnt like a bit of self pampering with a warm bath? 😉
Hang in there, you got this.
-
[removed]
-
The dead cannot do anything about their past mistakes, so the living haunts them
Personally, I would do a letting go ritual. It possible that someone could have been bound by a hex which remains effective even after death
-
Honestly it sounds like you weren’t as unaffected as you think. Maybe some subconscious guilt about not feeling worse about his death? Not that you should feel guilty at all, but the subconscious is weird and tends to do things like that. Talking to a therapist to work through any residual feelings might help the dreams stop for good.
