New here, yet I feel at home

[Jessica]

My life took a very spiritual turn while I was living with a chronic illness, the struggle and magnitude of it all directed my eyes more and more onto faith, destiny, fortune. I was confused and angry about what was happening to me, yet instead of turning my back on faith I decided to use what little energy I had to venture deeper into the unknown, in hopes that I would find some kind of answer.

Enter Tarot, I don’t even remember how i obtained my first deck, but at this point the three decks that I own have practically become living family members to me. When I wasn’t able to open up a discussion with my loved ones, the cards were there for me. That just so happened to be the case more often then not, so my love for the cards grew and grew.

It’s been four or five years now that I have been utilizing the cards as a catalyst for a higher power to help me to understand, and to help me cope and maintain my efforts towards a brighter future. And it is just now that I’m feeling a calling to take my Tarot abilities to the next level. The truth is, I take pride in my ability to honor my cards, to be patient and open minded with them, enough to be able to lay out a well intended spread. I believe in my readings full heartedly, that is when I’m confident that my drawing of the cards was done with the light, free from dark manipulation.

I’m reaching out here because I’ve felt lonely for some time, and I’ve become somewhat of a shut in as the few friends that I had moved out of state, and I’m not currently working. Some conversation with some like minded people might just inject me with a strong dose of hope.

So I guess I’ll ask a question.

Seeing as I’m pretty much completely self taught, I’m wondering if others have a similar process to mine. Here goes; While I’m shuffling the deck, my eyes are closed and I begin to channel a state in which I free myself from everything but what I need focus on. What I try my very hardest to focus on is the light, the good, the angels or spirits or GOD or what have you, so long as I feel that what I’m focused on is THE good. The struggle of my process is the FIGHT. There have been times where I just could not get through to the light, with my eyes closed I literally envision dark entities swallowing up any form of light that I attempt to break into.. and it scares me honestly. When I am practiced and of right mind, GROUNDED, I am most always able to eventually break through, but there are times that I question whether or not I’m being manipulated by a darkness that has shapeshifted in order to trick me.

I feel somewhat crazy writing this out l, but this process is home grown through love and an immense respect for the pursuit of faith.

I’m tiring now, Hello to anyone that see’s this. If you’ve read this, thank you, and happy new year .

Discussion

[HateKnuckle]

Glad you found something that gives you what you’re looking for. Personal healing is so important and it’s so nice to see people be able to find it.

[shth0mas]

I too have started looking for more, while struggling with a chronic illness.