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Discussion
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Please excuse me if anything I say sounds ignorant/etc. I’m just trying to get some advice based off of an experience I had yesterday.
For context, I’m a gay cis guy. I’m pretty small and lanky and I don’t think I could be seen as threatening in any way lol. I don’t have any romantic intentions at all when talking to women. I also have autism which messes with my social skills a lot and leads me to missing lots of cues I otherwise would’ve gotten. I have social anxiety and have been trying to work on it by coming out of my shell more often/talking to strangers. Not making excuses here, it’s just so you folks know where I’m coming from.
I was out riding/exploring the other day on my electric skateboard and I came across a little restricted access road under a bridge. The road actually connects to the highway (which the bridge serves) but no one except maintenance is allowed on it. So I’m sorta just sitting there enjoying the view from the side of the highway, when I notice two friendly looking women laughing and talking and taking pics of the sunset on the roadside multi use path. I was in a pretty good mood so I said, “pretty decent view, right?”
And one of them yelled back, “ew, I don’t want to talk to you, I’m taken” and they both walked off …
Yeah. Kind of shook me a bit since I didn’t know I was coming off that way, but after reading some of the posts on here I understand where she was coming from. I enjoy talking to women though! Which kinda sucks. You know, stereotypical gay guy with a bunch of his girl friends.
Do you folks think there’s some way I can approach a stranger without coming off as overly creepy, or should I just not? Or was this a one off thing? I’m a bit lost here.
And as always, fuck the patriarchy ☺️
edit: here’s the sunset in question lol https://imgur.com/a/AabXTYw
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Is there a way to talk to women without coming off as a creep?
updated 1 year, 9 months ago
2 Members
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Reply
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One thing I’ll say is that it seems most people in this subreddit have a very negative reaction to random people talking to them when out and about.
This is due to a lot of things, like negative past experiences and the political climate recently. Ultimately it’s not indicative of the whole world though.
There are probably plenty of women that wouldn’t mind you striking up a conversation given the context and how you approach it. Like other people have said, clubs and events work best for that kind of thing.
I’ve been talking to a lot of people, men and women when I’m out and about as a way to get out of my shell a bit. I don’t think you did anything wrong, and there isn’t anything wrong with talking to anyone, as long as you respect if they decline. I mean I have to approach women when the time is right if I don’t want to die alone. It’s all about context, grace, and processing that it sucks if they’re rude to you, but also that it’s not really about you in specific.
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This might not be what you’d like to do, but I imagine a big loud “I’m gay, bitch” and then skating right past them would have been a big wake up call (I’m mainly saying this because the scenario pissed me off). Just because a guy says something doesn’t mean he’s a perv or that he wants to sleep with them.
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Some people are just rude. Would you have thought twice if it was two guys and they said something like, “Ewe. What a nerd. Go find some friends?” Especially since you could have been in danger?
I don’t feel you did anything wrong. Not everything is your fault, or did you misread the situation. It creeps me out when people just watch. It’s exhausting to have to answer everyone. There’s no right answer. Smile and wave, if it happens again. Don’t take it personally and go on with your day.
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Yeah, I’m generally good with energetic gay men. They’re fun and unlikely to manhandle me.
Either those women misread the situation or they were looking for a reason.
Hugs!
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That girls answer seems like something awkward teen would say, so in your place I wouldn’t think much of it, it’s just their inability to understand people of different genders might be friends, or that chatting with strangers on a trail is something adults do sometimes.
That would be different though if you got up and approached them before starting to talk, that might seem to be threatning even if you’re not build like an athlete.
Edit: spelling
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That was not your fault, friend. That was a spring loaded, reflexive response meant for someone else. If you’re not being creepy, you don’t come off as a creep. All you can do is be polite, respectful and kind… what others perceive through whatever lenses they’re wearing is their problem.
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That response was rude as hell. The ew would have put me in the mood to start throwing hands TBH.
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No clue. Never felt comfortable around girls because they make me feel like a creep even if i haven’t don’t anything and we just met.
